THIS RIGHT HERE

What is it that justifies your existence? When all is dark in our minds, and the minutes of the day become longer, what beacon do you have to guide your vessel back to shore? Lots of analogies here, but what I’m attempting to ask you to explore is how do you correct yourself when all has gone awry and you cannot seem to get your mind from focusing on the darkness? I use to simply advocate that family is enough. That the love for your loved ones and the descendants you’ve brought into this world should be enough to motivate you to move mountains and achieve the goals and dreams you desire, but that was a younger mans shallow attempt at understanding myself. Obviously, becoming a father or a mother isn’t enough. If so you might not even be reading this little excerpt, none of us would have any issue with striving towards the greatest version of ourselves. We would just have children then boom, motivation activated and inner peace achieved. LOL.

Just not how it works. Sure there may be a brief moment of time immediately after the first child in most instances, where we find some rush of motivation and ride that wave until the failures of progress turn our sails back to the shores of comfort and mediocrity. But to truly shift our minds into a different state, we have to look and explore as far inward as humanly possible. At least, thats what I have found for myself to be true.

Light

Did you know, just before the moment of conception when the sperm fertilizes the egg, all you can see under a high powered electron microscope is darkness. The void of an unfertilized cell floating in the relative vastness of its existence, but when the sperm finally reaches its destination, and just after it is completely consumed by the egg, briefly.. oh so briefly, the entirety of the egg bursts into a brilliant white light! The darkness of that once empty space becomes completely blinded by an omnipresent light. This light, my friends, some refer to as the everlasting light, or the light in the darkness, but only One refers to it in the first person, saying, “I am the Light of the World. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

I’m a weird character, I attempt to ride the line of thinking as literally as possible while also allowing room for the unknown and faith to be ever present in my consciousness. That being said, now I will attempt to explain how I have come to integrate these fun little anecdotes into the forefront of my consciousness to help me push forward through the failures of progress.

Cold chills

When a singer opens their mouth, and bounces the vibrations of their internal manifestations so perfectly that it penetrates and balances your own internal vibrations. And all that you are comes into a moment of harmony with yourself, the singer, and the Universe aka (His presence).

When we observe our own particles down to the subatomic level, each cell, each atom, every nucleus is vibrating at a certain frequency that allows us to remain in existence. Allows us to become and have form. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.” AND THE FIRST THING HE SAYS, “Let there be light,” and there was light. This Light of divinity is the core of our existence, it is the creation of existence itself, without it, existence would never come to be and nothing would ever become. This Light, this beautiful, fully present and eternal light, its inside of us all. It is inside of you!

Out of sync

This is how I have chosen to observe myself. With any emotion that seems to be shaking my inner harmony I attempt to look at it intentionally. Not just ride the wave of being agitated or drag through the vail of depression. But instead, I separate my consciousness from that which is my external manifestations. Our brains are wired for survival, but our spirits have to be hardwired for salvation. We humans mostly tend to live in what I like to call “autopilot.” Where we have stepped away from the cockpit of consciousness and hit the red button to take over for us so we dont have to waste energy “thinking.” No seriously! Did you know that a world class chess player can burn from 2-6000 calories through a tournament?! And we all know they aren’t moving so how is that energy burned? Through thinking, this is why our natural inclination is to not think. To allow our ships to sail themselves while we end up wherever the wind takes us. But not I, I already have spent too much time letting my laziness map the course of my existence. When the day comes that I must face YHWH in all of His perfection, all of His harmony, all of His sacred and divine logos of perpetuating existence, I want to have the courage, the faith, the grit, to even look in His direction, and tell Him as wholeheartedly as my flesh can muster.. that I did my best. That I took control of myself, and that I aimed my light towards His.

Internal grip

This is how I have chosen to think, this is how Ive chosen to see. Not just myself, but how I see you, how I see my wife, how I see my children. With every breath I hear Him, with every hug I feel Him. Staring at the sun seems simple now, compared to the brightness of His presence. When I am looking for a beacon to guide me back towards where I can find that Internal grip over myself and strive for Him and His peace, I have to look inward. Towards the light that is inside of me, the light that is inside of us, towards His omnipresent, and everlasting light. And that, for me, is What is worth failing for.