Off beat.

Why is it that even our own brains fight against us? Could it be the nature of our ancestors inscribed into our subconscious trying to warn us of a threat yet to come? Is it just our foul attempt at trying to decipher the future to keep us from harm? Or is it simply the rhythm of our internal vibrations being off beat? However we look a it, most of us continually fight a battle we didn’t volunteer for. Like we’ve been drafted into a debate with the cosmic forces of the future, wrestling with ourselves into thinking we can know the unknown.

Today I wrestled, I was having a perfectly splendid start to the day. Got my vibrations in sync (or so I thought), had my morning caffeine fix, and was tackling the obstacles that met me at work as soon as my feet stepped out of the truck. Everything seemed to be in order in my consciousness, then all it took was one conversation.. one simple short piece of banter that sent me into a valley of unknown and worry. You see, I have an issue with pride, but I convince myself I would never allow those bits of comparison to bother me. Although, after speaking with my dad about how well my brothers are doing, I was overcome with the bitterness that pride can carry. But I didn’t understand why.. because I love my brothers dearly. But something inside me let go of that security Ive found in Christ and His plan.

So why? Why was it that this doting of my father on his other boys got me all out of whack? Now I am worried about my bank account, worried about the future and my plans for my family, worried about every damn thing my mind could throw at me, and I knew it was wrong. I knew that I should be happy they are doing so well, but there was one thing in the way of me sharing that same joy with my father. Pride. Pride pride pride. Oh how strong are the vibrations of the subconscious trait we have named, pride. So strong in fact, that they threw me off beat.

Open it.

The same day of these events, although I was having a good morning, I didn’t get to the one thing that I really was being beckoned to do, simply read a few pages of my Bible. But like I said, I was met with tasks as soon as I pulled onto the lot, along with not waking up early enough to make time to read before I left. So there I was, unbalanced and worrying about my own financial and spiritual well being. All because of the pride that was in my way. But one thing that kept coming to mind was not getting to read my bible, thats when I set aside all the tasks aside and went to the truck. The Book calling to me more than I to it. All I had to do, was open it.

Exodus 14:15 NKJV

And the Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward. But lift up your rod, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it.”

My wife and I have been working towards possibly the biggest event of our lives thus far. We have prayed, we have planned, we have thought and thought about how were going to make money, what our end goals are, etc etc. and I have told myself that I’m good, I have faith in His plan, just as the Israelites had been witness to His miracles I should’ve known to have faith through my insecurity. But again I wasn’t strong enough to overcome the obstacles in my own mind. It took Him, it took His word, just when I look to Him again for reassurance, He has to remind me like the child that I am, to “stop crying to Me.” You know the direction you’ve prayed about, you’ve sought and found My peace, now stop questioning My plan. Raise your rod and stretch your faith over the sea of your worry to divide it. But do not be afraid, do not worry, and if you must.. seek me, don’t just look at your closed Bible, open it. He would rather this, than for you to continue to wallow in your own self made turmoil. But He wants you to pick up your rod, have more faith.