Author: betterfailures

Passion Water

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The Seed

The chase begins, without warning, without a band, without a flag. You drag yourself through the motions of high school, jump into an investment that would be your college degree, or start whatever mindless job is closest to your path, with little to no understanding of what you really want out of life. Obviously because at that age you have barely lived.. and so you lean on the experiences you have had to help guide your decision making for the future. Whether it be you know how to wash cars, so you open a carwash.. or you liked helping your uncle build a shed, so you jump into construction. Or maybe you were ill as a child, and the doctors quite literally saved your life, so you dive into medical field. Regardless, you are in a rush for your independence, and so you are rushed into deciding who and how you are going to be at a young age. Sure you meet people, you grow with experience, but all of that grows off of the root of the seed that you planted when independence was manifested, and your chase begun.

From what I can tell, our problems started not with the necessity to take action, but with the intentions of the seed we chose to plant. You may have noticed, but two of those seeds were planted with the forethought of how can I make money.. we can wash cars, or we can build houses, we can learn to plumb, maybe even do electrical.. but none of these will thrive in the long term of our consciousness if all we have to water them with is a passion for helping people understand themselves..(yes it is me) Or if I am just full of “passion water” for building play houses for children.. or even spending 12 hours smoking the perfect brisket.. Whatever the case may be, in order to understand what our “passion water” is, we have to slow down, look at ourselves as if we are on a screen, and realize that all this time, we were just chasing dust.

All the mumbo jumbo

It all looks pretty silly from the outside in. Meditating that is.. Maybe even intimidating? Mostly because its so different from our perpetually rushed time clocks and schedules, school time, lunch time, break time, dinner time, work time, day time, night time, all of them demanding the next societally placed action for the next move to bring us closer to the next minute to get us to the next thing and the next thing and the ne…. I think you get it.

Psalms 49:3

“My mouth will speak words of wisdom, the meditation of my heart will give you understanding.”

Meditation is not something taken lightly when it comes to Him. The more time you spend intentionally slowing down, is time you are intentionally spending trying to hear Him. Attempting to understand that which has been inside yourself all along. Hearing the rippling creek flow of your “passion water” as it carves out a map for you to see where you were wanting to aim all along. You see, we didn’t know what seed we should plant when that gradual integration into the chase begun, but there is hope. There is a way out.. or maybe its more like there is a way in.. Into the ground of your subconscious you can plant a new seed, and with enough meditation, and focus solely on Him, you will find yourself, how He made you, in His image.

So yea, its gonna be unfamiliar, its gonna be uncomfortable at first, but don’t let that small circumstance keep you from doing it. I dont care if its gotta be the earliest or the latest part of your day. Only that you do it, and keep doing it, and the more you do, the more you will want to. It’s a gift that keeps on giving. Bringing you closer to Him and yourself simultaneously. Oh yea and the dim lights and the yoga music.. its not just a bunch of mumbo jumbo..

ASK

I have no criteria for how or from what perspective or proper grammar insinuations that I write these little articles but I don’t care. What I do care about is that my honest and closest message to the truths of which I have found come across to you. That being said I quite literally make sure to get my mind into a Theta wave state of meditation before I ever even begin. It’s like playing an instrument for me, the more I let my mind go of what I’m trying to do the better it usually comes across, rather than it being forced into a rhythm or making due being just a little out of tune..

SO, if you’ve been so kind as to read anything that Ive wrote and you have any questions about meditation, or controlling your thoughts, or understanding your “autopilot responses.” please, ask. As I mentioned above (indirectly) my “passion water” is helping people to understand themselves better. Hence why Ive been writing these mind dumps onto this platform so that maybe just maybe, it can help someone out of a quarrel in their own mind. So, may the Lord our God bless you. May you seek Him at all times, not out of fear from discipline, but out of the enormous overwhelming and indescribable love that HE has for YOU…. YOUUU!!! You You You can’t you see?! He loves your face, your mind, your experiences, your potential, He loves everything that you can be if you only look to HIM!!!!

The Force, of worry.

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Off beat.

Why is it that even our own brains fight against us? Could it be the nature of our ancestors inscribed into our subconscious trying to warn us of a threat yet to come? Is it just our foul attempt at trying to decipher the future to keep us from harm? Or is it simply the rhythm of our internal vibrations being off beat? However we look a it, most of us continually fight a battle we didn’t volunteer for. Like we’ve been drafted into a debate with the cosmic forces of the future, wrestling with ourselves into thinking we can know the unknown.

Today I wrestled, I was having a perfectly splendid start to the day. Got my vibrations in sync (or so I thought), had my morning caffeine fix, and was tackling the obstacles that met me at work as soon as my feet stepped out of the truck. Everything seemed to be in order in my consciousness, then all it took was one conversation.. one simple short piece of banter that sent me into a valley of unknown and worry. You see, I have an issue with pride, but I convince myself I would never allow those bits of comparison to bother me. Although, after speaking with my dad about how well my brothers are doing, I was overcome with the bitterness that pride can carry. But I didn’t understand why.. because I love my brothers dearly. But something inside me let go of that security Ive found in Christ and His plan.

So why? Why was it that this doting of my father on his other boys got me all out of whack? Now I am worried about my bank account, worried about the future and my plans for my family, worried about every damn thing my mind could throw at me, and I knew it was wrong. I knew that I should be happy they are doing so well, but there was one thing in the way of me sharing that same joy with my father. Pride. Pride pride pride. Oh how strong are the vibrations of the subconscious trait we have named, pride. So strong in fact, that they threw me off beat.

Open it.

The same day of these events, although I was having a good morning, I didn’t get to the one thing that I really was being beckoned to do, simply read a few pages of my Bible. But like I said, I was met with tasks as soon as I pulled onto the lot, along with not waking up early enough to make time to read before I left. So there I was, unbalanced and worrying about my own financial and spiritual well being. All because of the pride that was in my way. But one thing that kept coming to mind was not getting to read my bible, thats when I set aside all the tasks aside and went to the truck. The Book calling to me more than I to it. All I had to do, was open it.

Exodus 14:15 NKJV

And the Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward. But lift up your rod, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it.”

My wife and I have been working towards possibly the biggest event of our lives thus far. We have prayed, we have planned, we have thought and thought about how were going to make money, what our end goals are, etc etc. and I have told myself that I’m good, I have faith in His plan, just as the Israelites had been witness to His miracles I should’ve known to have faith through my insecurity. But again I wasn’t strong enough to overcome the obstacles in my own mind. It took Him, it took His word, just when I look to Him again for reassurance, He has to remind me like the child that I am, to “stop crying to Me.” You know the direction you’ve prayed about, you’ve sought and found My peace, now stop questioning My plan. Raise your rod and stretch your faith over the sea of your worry to divide it. But do not be afraid, do not worry, and if you must.. seek me, don’t just look at your closed Bible, open it. He would rather this, than for you to continue to wallow in your own self made turmoil. But He wants you to pick up your rod, have more faith.

Waves

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So. Many. Waves. An endless and infinite energy in motion that cannot cease to exist and yet nothing can exist with its ceasing. And so is our own physical and metaphysical existence. It will never end. Your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings of wellness, oneness and security.. 5 minutes later being followed by a “cataclysmic” argument with your spouse over how much money you need to take on vacation. Sending your internal vibrations into a whirlwind of unbalanced disruption leaving you with two options; You either dive back into the working state of understanding your current consciousness, and intentionally wrestle with that internal light to rebalance your spectrum.. and take control of those fight or flight thoughts that can and will increase the intensity of the waves that keep you out of balance.

Or, you can allow the “autopilot” to take control. Almost encouraging you to continue fighting.. beckoning you to utter the words you know will cut to the quick. All because you think you know some deep understanding of that person or situation that no one else will understand, and so you batter the situation around like a cat playing with its prey just to watch it suffer. And so you bat around and play with the vibrations and energy of your household as if its an inanimate enemy that will hold no repercussions after you’ve finished. Allowing that sinful nature to come to the surfaces only because you do not have the patience, the empathy, or the understanding to step away and reevaluate your emotions from a different perspective.

Diligence

I thought I knew what it really meant to be diligent, to focus and work hard on something over and over again. Makes you diligent, right? Sort of.. Diligent stemming from the Latin word “diligere” means ‘to love, or take delight in’ or ‘to value or esteem highly’.

It is not easy for us to break away from that “autopilot” response to most things. We have practiced our entire lives on how to respond immediately to all circumstances without breaking away to consider our reactions to them. Simply identify threat, respond accordingly in our best fight or flight fashion, and move on. Never considering how that 33 second response can be the laying of a seed in ours or the oppositions subconscious. What type of seeds do you think are being planted when you are in a fight or flight frame of mind? Any with some forethought to them? Probably not. That is why this practice actually requires the true meaning of the word, Diligence.

In Biblical reference, 2nd Peter 3:14, “So, beloved, since you are looking forward to these things, be diligent and make every effort to be found by Him spotless and blameless, in peace.” Once I understood the true meaning of diligence, I read this differently. Be diligent, or be so in love with this thing that you cannot help, but to make every effort to be found by Him.. That means something totally different than to just work hard and focus on doing the right things.

He tells us to love one another, and to love our spouse the way He loved the church (aka His people, aka whom he gave His life for). And so, it is not an easy undertaking to separate our conscious selves in situations that require us to step away from our “autopilot” responses. But we must be diligent. The only thing that will cool down the heated moments of our internal frustrations is just that, diligence, and love. For our opposition, for our God and His presence, and for ourselves and His light that is a part of us. Let those things be your reminder to help you step away from the heat of an obscure argument. And let His light take over all that is you.

Energy maintenance

Be aware of these things, do not allow the heat of the devil in the short moments of your day to push your hand into the ground as you sew the seeds of energy in your home. You only need to know and be aware of His presence, in these moments, in these vibrations. His Harmony rests above all. It is His vibrations that you feel when you are at peace, when your heart seems to beat more properly. When your mind seems to buzz in a clearer state than that of the opposition. Seeing all the colors of the spectrum instead of just the red or dullness that an obscured vision only allows. Be the one in charge of the energy maintenance in your home. When a moment is being won by the enemy, step away to regather your forces inside. Kindle the flame of His light within you and pour that love into the ground where the enemy thought his flame stood a chance. And let that become your daily practice. Be diligent, become the wave.

Worth Failing For

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THIS RIGHT HERE

What is it that justifies your existence? When all is dark in our minds, and the minutes of the day become longer, what beacon do you have to guide your vessel back to shore? Lots of analogies here, but what I’m attempting to ask you to explore is how do you correct yourself when all has gone awry and you cannot seem to get your mind from focusing on the darkness? I use to simply advocate that family is enough. That the love for your loved ones and the descendants you’ve brought into this world should be enough to motivate you to move mountains and achieve the goals and dreams you desire, but that was a younger mans shallow attempt at understanding myself. Obviously, becoming a father or a mother isn’t enough. If so you might not even be reading this little excerpt, none of us would have any issue with striving towards the greatest version of ourselves. We would just have children then boom, motivation activated and inner peace achieved. LOL.

Just not how it works. Sure there may be a brief moment of time immediately after the first child in most instances, where we find some rush of motivation and ride that wave until the failures of progress turn our sails back to the shores of comfort and mediocrity. But to truly shift our minds into a different state, we have to look and explore as far inward as humanly possible. At least, thats what I have found for myself to be true.

Light

Did you know, just before the moment of conception when the sperm fertilizes the egg, all you can see under a high powered electron microscope is darkness. The void of an unfertilized cell floating in the relative vastness of its existence, but when the sperm finally reaches its destination, and just after it is completely consumed by the egg, briefly.. oh so briefly, the entirety of the egg bursts into a brilliant white light! The darkness of that once empty space becomes completely blinded by an omnipresent light. This light, my friends, some refer to as the everlasting light, or the light in the darkness, but only One refers to it in the first person, saying, “I am the Light of the World. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

I’m a weird character, I attempt to ride the line of thinking as literally as possible while also allowing room for the unknown and faith to be ever present in my consciousness. That being said, now I will attempt to explain how I have come to integrate these fun little anecdotes into the forefront of my consciousness to help me push forward through the failures of progress.

Cold chills

When a singer opens their mouth, and bounces the vibrations of their internal manifestations so perfectly that it penetrates and balances your own internal vibrations. And all that you are comes into a moment of harmony with yourself, the singer, and the Universe aka (His presence).

When we observe our own particles down to the subatomic level, each cell, each atom, every nucleus is vibrating at a certain frequency that allows us to remain in existence. Allows us to become and have form. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.” AND THE FIRST THING HE SAYS, “Let there be light,” and there was light. This Light of divinity is the core of our existence, it is the creation of existence itself, without it, existence would never come to be and nothing would ever become. This Light, this beautiful, fully present and eternal light, its inside of us all. It is inside of you!

Out of sync

This is how I have chosen to observe myself. With any emotion that seems to be shaking my inner harmony I attempt to look at it intentionally. Not just ride the wave of being agitated or drag through the vail of depression. But instead, I separate my consciousness from that which is my external manifestations. Our brains are wired for survival, but our spirits have to be hardwired for salvation. We humans mostly tend to live in what I like to call “autopilot.” Where we have stepped away from the cockpit of consciousness and hit the red button to take over for us so we dont have to waste energy “thinking.” No seriously! Did you know that a world class chess player can burn from 2-6000 calories through a tournament?! And we all know they aren’t moving so how is that energy burned? Through thinking, this is why our natural inclination is to not think. To allow our ships to sail themselves while we end up wherever the wind takes us. But not I, I already have spent too much time letting my laziness map the course of my existence. When the day comes that I must face YHWH in all of His perfection, all of His harmony, all of His sacred and divine logos of perpetuating existence, I want to have the courage, the faith, the grit, to even look in His direction, and tell Him as wholeheartedly as my flesh can muster.. that I did my best. That I took control of myself, and that I aimed my light towards His.

Internal grip

This is how I have chosen to think, this is how Ive chosen to see. Not just myself, but how I see you, how I see my wife, how I see my children. With every breath I hear Him, with every hug I feel Him. Staring at the sun seems simple now, compared to the brightness of His presence. When I am looking for a beacon to guide me back towards where I can find that Internal grip over myself and strive for Him and His peace, I have to look inward. Towards the light that is inside of me, the light that is inside of us, towards His omnipresent, and everlasting light. And that, for me, is What is worth failing for.